A Very Wonderful Film

Last Saturday, I went with Josh to Dallas to see A Very Long Engagement. It is hands down one of the best motion pictures that I have seen in the past few years. The film is set in World War I France and centers around a young woman named Mathildie (Audrey Totou, Amalie 2001) who tirelessly searches for information concerning her courtmartialed fiance and his alleged death.
I bought the novella the next day, and just finished reading it. The story is compelling, and with the present war in Iraq, the story has had quite an effect on me. War really is hell. Not only for the soliders but for the ones who love them. Lieut. Colonel John Rhodes, a friend of my family, is scheduled to fly out to Iraq next week for a two year stint. He leaves a wife and two children behind along with a huge extended family. His unit is in Hattiesburg, and should be at home with their families already, but they are stuck there because some weapons have gone missing and there are no leads.
Landon Tucker, a friend from my graduating class, is also in this unit. My step-niece just married his brother, and they have a four month old son.
I watched CNN today who followed a father of five from Georgia through his family Christmas and then to Iraq. The whole family cried, and so did I.
War is hell, and sometimes bombs, guns, and tanks have nothing to do with that.

Mom-boys

Why do I always like boys who seem to be just like me in all the wrong ways? It seems to be a curse. What I can’t seem to find is a boy who balances me out. Case in point, I just found out “boy as of late” is indeed a mom, exactly like me. In the way that we approach relationships and seek to nurture others, we are essentially the same. The deepest mutual desire of our hearts is to take care of other people. It is what keeps us going. This has been something I’ve suspected for a while, and when I think about it, it was the first thing that attracted me to him.

On further recollection, it seems that every boy I’ve ever really had a thing for shares this thing in common. They might not admit it, but they are all, to some degree, “moms.” The boy I liked freshman year of college, who I’m still friends with, does his best to cook and take care of all the guys that he lives with house. He decorates for Christmas, bakes, and calls his roommates obsessively just to let them know where he is. What a girl!

My dear “Sophomore year and following boy” would never admit to his motherly tendencies, but when you really know him, they are easy to count. He was the parental figure in his “service organization” or what the non-MC world would call a fraternity. He worked his ass off for those boys, and he did his best to make sure they all felt accepted and cared for. And even now, under the cynical exterior, there is a very sensitive soul. If he had the time and money, he’d be cooking more for people. He may not always think it or act like it, but he cares deeply about people.

The natural assumption may be that I have what many overweight girls seem to have- “attraction to gay men” syndrome. That’s not it. I know all these fellas well enough to know they’re perfectly heterosexual. So why do I like nurturers? Maybe it’s because deep down I really want to be taken care of, and mothers seem to do such a good job of that. Maybe it’s because I like myself more than I thought I did, or that I’m merely conceited and I want someone like myself in my life.

Mom-boys seem to like the strong, independent type of girl. That’s not how I would describe myself, and the fact that these fellas don't seem to be interested in me reinforces this. But on second thought, we all have more strength than we realize. The past two years have proven that I can survive with no man in my life whatsoever, but I’m not sure I like it. And I’m not the kind of girl who can’t do anything without her posse. I’ve never been that way. I don’t have to have a man or lots of friends, but I sure do feel lonely without them. Futhermore, young unmarried women from small town Mississippi typically don’t pack their bags and move away to moderate seminaries. To people at home, my life screams independence. To people in Waco, my life screams typical southern girl who likes the typical bread winning southern gentleman. What am I in reality?... beats the hell out of me.

A running theme through the lives of the four people mentioned in this post seems to be that we have a hard time really receiving love. We live to give it, and want so badly to get it in return, but we don’t always know how to take it. Maybe that’s what nurturers can learn from one another- the beauty of actually allowing someone to love you in the way that your loving obviously shows you yearn to be loved. The mystery of being loved spawns the glory of really loving.

And the Winner is E, Sorry I Made You Wait for Days

Due to the thickness of my accent and my deep southern roots that probably manifest themselves in most areas of my life, people are constantly asking me if I’ll move back to Mississippi after seminary. Honestly this question offends me slightly because it makes me assume that people think I could only flourish in a poor, rural, and uneducated place. Yes, I am aware of the old adage about assumptions, and I concede that I am probably rather asinine on this matter as well as many others. However, it’s a feeling that I get nonetheless. It does seem that the commonly held belief is that Mississippi is backwards both intellectually and culturally. Our history is tattered with racism and hatred. Sometimes it makes me sick at my stomach. However there is as much or more to love about our heritage. The blues, the grove which is the tailgating hotspot at Ole Miss, Elvis, William Faulkner, Eudora Welty, Willie Morris, John Grisham, hospitality, the teddy bear, and I could go on and on.

For a long time, outsiders had me buying into the backwards belief. I felt as if there would be no room for me or my ideas or my ministry there. Well, now I’m learning that maybe that isn’t so. There’s something going on in Jackson. An acquaintance of mine named Stacy Andrews has started an emerging church in the Fondren District of Jackson. That’s where my former place of employment, The Mississippi Gift Co., is located, and I must say that I love the area. There was a rather lengthy article in the Clarion Ledger that profiles the church. The reporter also interviewed Doug Padgitt for it. It was really good, so I’ll paste it here.

http://www.clarionledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20041127/FEAT05/411270310&SearchID=73191459314294

I joked with my friend Adam who sent me the article that this could be my ticket back to Mississippi, but you know what they say, there is a little truth in every joke. Maybe there are people in Mississippi who are more ready for the kind of ministry I want to do than I imagined.

There are so many things I want to write about this week. I just went to Greek breakfast at IHOP, and now I'm sitting in the library. It's December, and it almost impossible to find a parking space around here. It gets that way towards finals. Anyways, I'm sitting in Jones, a place where you are always sure to see seminarians hanging around the commentaries and Jeffrey Sunshine Conkin, because I wanted to get a jumpstart on my all my homework for today. And look what I'm doing- blogging. Lately I've become a slacker on schoolwork and that really frustrates me, however I am glad to start my morning off on the blogosphere.

What should I tell you about today:
a) reconnecting with my cousin who's in the Air Force
b) how my professor has been declared a heretic my the big dogs in the SBC
c) my flirtatious nature coming back
d) Josh Brewer's fantasy birthday party tonight
e) the new emerging church in Jackson's Fondren district
f) the horrible and disturbing pranks being played to my seminary community

I'm not sure. I think I'll work on some Greek homework, and then maybe I'll come back to this. It's a cliffhanger I know. I love to keeping you in suspense.