Homecoming

It was familiar, but eerily new and different. I took a big breath before I walked through the new shabby chic doors. When Brian Patterson opened one for me, I saw the bustle of community those walls have undoubtedly missed. We haven’t missed it that way because for us, this exile just drew us deeper and closer.

I hugged more people than I can count, and I heard laughter and lots of ‘I’m so glad you’re here’s’, but still I remembered the sounds and the embraces of the last time we were together in that space. I don’t always like to think about them, but they definitely exist in my memory. Honestly, there was something a bit frightening about it, but if I learned anything over the past few months, it’s that there’s no one better to face fear with than this group of people.

As for the service, it was as familiar and beautiful as the renovated the building, which is best described by my friend Adam Horton in the words fresh and nostalgic. The first song the band sang was “Everything Glorious”. A perfect choice. You have to love worship songs that make you ask a deep and probing theological questions. This one is textbook. It makes me examine the relationships and events of my life and ask “Where is the glory in this?” Sometimes, it’s so hard to see. Honestly, I have a hard time seeing it in the horrific moments of the last time we were there, all together. Yeah, I know the whole bit about being absent from the body means being present with the Lord. I see how it may have been glorious for Kyle but not for us. I don’t know what’s so glorious about the tragedy, loss, fear, and pain of what happened in that damned instant, BUT there is so much glory in the comfort, community, and grief of the following months that I can hardly bear it.

Yeah, I see the glory of God in grief. Not always, of course. On most days, it’s so terrible that I can’t find suitable words to adequately describe it, yet ultimately it says something powerful and even exquisite. To me, grief is one of the most profound ways we know there is true love in this world. I don’t want to see more of it any time soon, but it has revolutionized the way I give and receive love. Maybe it has for us all. That is glorious.