Living the questions and trying to think theologically... and practically. Learning that these things are more synonymous than I once thought.

Location: Dallas, TX

Saturday, September 24, 2005


Ok, ok, I'll tell you what went down with the D-man. I could tell you about my fantasy of us meeting backstage at chapel then going out to lunch together, parting ways for the afternoon, and him coming over to my apartment for a beer after his last event of the day. At the end of the night, he'd ask me for my phone number, and promise he'd call me from the road. He'd leave and give me a kiss on the cheek, and then we would speculate as to when we might cross paths again.

Well, let me tell you kids, fantasy is better than reality. The truth is, I went to both the 10 and 11 chapel at Baylor, and I stood not three feet from Donald Miller, and I never talked to him. There were people around him that I had not seen in a long time, and we chatted for a while, and then it was time for chapel to start. For lunch some people who work in my office, got to eat with him, but they did not call me. I was really upset when I found out, and I acted like a baby. (Sorry if I took that out on anyone who may read this. I really love the people in my office. I just kind of got my feelings hurt a little, but no one involved really understood how much I love Donald Miller.) Anyways, I went to hear him that night at the Sub. It was a more informal book reading with a question and answer time. My friend Chrissy saved me a seat. I swear, that once again I was not six feet away from him. There were lots of people there, and we were smack-dab on the front row. I was embarrassed because there were lots of folks I knew there, and I was afraid that I would look like a stalker. Afterwards, there was a long line of folks waiting to talk to him. I opted to go out and eat with Josh instead because we haven't been able to hang out much lately.

That's about it. As Derek Webb says, "the truth is never sexy." It's more fun to live with the fanciful ideas about romance, but the truth is that romance isn't a part of my life right now, and it hasn't been for quite sometime. Maybe that's why I talk about D. Miller so much. It's safe. We'll probably never know each other so it could never get awkward. Sometimes I wish I was a guy, so that when I like somebody, it would be acceptable for me to actually do something about it. People talk about girls when we do something about it. One of the things I've learned the hard way is that chasing the guy, nine times out of ten, leads to embarrassment. Not doing anything leads to frustration, but embarrassment is usually worse.

I think from now on, I'll start living in the land of reality, which right now provides for exactly zero romance. There is hope, however. There is always hope.


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