Living the questions and trying to think theologically... and practically. Learning that these things are more synonymous than I once thought.

Location: Dallas, TX

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Random Sunday and More Transitions

What's up Cartoon Network?

I took a really long nap this afternoon. Mom did not wake me up for church, which I'm sad to say was perfectly alright with me. We had the twins and their older brother Mac spending the night last night, so it was musical beds in the Shadburn household. I wound up crashing with my mom who snores, poor thing, so there wasn't much sleep for me. Anyways, I was excited about tonight because for the past two Sunday nights, the Cartoon Network has been showing the animated versions of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Tonight was supposed to wind down with The Return of the King. Imagine my disgust, when I turned on satellite channel 175 and saw Tom and Jerry!UGH!!!!!! The schedule had not changed on the remote control TV guide. What a bummer!

More Transitions

Every time someone moves to a new place, they experience some sort of social transition. The social transition in Waco has been a hard one for me. Don't get me wrong, there are some great people here. It's just hard to live down the whole MC experience. I loved that place, and I feel like it loved me too. There were definitely times I did not feel that way, especially when I didn't get asked to homecoming my senior year. The thing I loved about MC (Mississippi College, my alma mata) is the way I had a place there. Laguna, my social tribe aka sorority, gave me a sense of belonging and accomplishment. It's where I invested most of my energies in college. It was my family, my ministry, and my social network. I loved it. It may sound shallow to a lot of people who don't really know me well, but Laguna did a lot to boost my self esteem. I learned a lot about myself as far as leadership and friendship goes. I miss those girls and our beaux. I miss having excuses to go out with boys. I miss having devotions, parties, and meetings to plan. I miss having a place that made me feel important, to be transparently honest and shallow. Importance or self worth should not be based on accomplishments, but on the way God looks at us and loves us. This is a lesson I'm learning, but I'm still not completely there.

I miss my gang of girls. Kat, Liz, Mar, and Jen- I love ya'll so much still. MC would not have been as sweet without you girls. While I'm slowly making friends in Waco, you guys will never be replaced. Thanks for putting up with little old insecure me.

I miss my guy friends as well: Ryan, Blake, Wade, Joseph and the beaux. Come to think of it, I had a host of guy friends there. There was never a shortage of hugs. You guys made me feel loved. Daniel Hogue made me, and probably every other girl at MC, feel like a hottie sometimes. Friendly flirting was allowed and not really taken too seriously. This is not the case of Waco. In fact, if I'm lucky I might get the occasional hug from Drew and if he's feeling sweet, Josh. Thank God these two MC friends are here. Maybe being huggy is a Mississippi thing that other states haven't clued into. Maybe it's a college thing that you are supposed to grow out of. Maybe seminary boys are just scared of seminary girls. Whatever it is, it's rough for a really huggy girl like me.

Last, but definitely not least, I miss my FBC Clinton family and the whole Burch Hill BC gang. At FBC Clinton, I had little brothers and sisters, moms and dads, and grandparents in the faith. Those relationships and my whole experience there as a youth intern are invaluable. When I think about it, I feel blessed beyond measure. I miss the ministry, the laughter, the D-Nows, and my afternoon visits with the ladies in the office. I miss the our stained glass Jesus in the sanctuary and the smell of the youth ministry office. I miss hanging out with Barbara Brown on Sunday mornings during youth Sunday school. I miss Tom Coots' coffee. I even miss the way Clay, Wade, and Jay would pick on me. I'll stop now before I begin to tear up.

Waco is not Clinton. Truett is not MC and never will be. I shouldn't compare the two, but that's so difficult. In many ways, I feel I've spent the past year grieving for Clinton and not really living in Waco. That makes me sad. I hope I can be a better friend to my new friends in Waco next year- that I can get over myself and really love them they way they deserve to be loved. I hope that I won't be as afraid to initiate the hugging. I hope I have really important heart conversations. I hope that one day, I'll really feel like I belong here. And I really really hope that I make some substantial and deep friendships at UBC, and that it will become a part of me too. I really miss that church already, and I feel like I barely know anyone there. It just gives me this really great vibe. I hope it keeps on coming.


Post a Comment

<< Home