EVER THE ROAD GOES ON

Best Summer Ever

2007-08-12T08:52:00.001-07:00

Oh my gosh, I forgot what blogger looks like. Ha! Honestly I just remembered my password.

So, my first summer of camp as a full time staff person is under my belt. It's been exhausting but completely rewarding. Things wrapped up on Friday with our last day of Urban Camp. This is when we take our 5-9 graders to Camp Bridgeport for a stressless week of fun away from the city. I've done lots of camps, but right now this feels like the best one ever. For one, our kids are so thrilled to be there, they really don't complain about anything. For many of them, it truly is the highlight of their year- the only time they can go fishing, the most time they can spend in the great outdoors, and the only time when many of them can have as much food as they want at every meal time. Spending a week with our kids and interns in a place like that made me realize just how important our ministry is. Here are a few pics. I'll share more as soon as the interns put them on facebook.

This is DK, aka Darrell King, one of my favorite personalities of the summer.

This giant slip n slide was a camp favorite.

Boys pool time!

A few of our amazing interns!

Our last worship service.

Check it out! Shane's back in Dallas!

2007-03-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

Breathing…Surviving…

2007-02-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

It's almost lent. My life is crazy, and what am I taking a break to blog about? Grey's, what else? Maybe because it's easier to talk in Grey's metaphors than in the realities of my own life. My two favorite Grey’s Anatomy episodes EVER came on again Friday. Both are captured on my DVR, and I fully intend on watching them as soon as I get a few hours to myself. Right now of course, we are in the middle of an equally traumatic 3-episode event. I love this show. Yes, it is too much like a soap opera, but I’ve been with these kids since the first day of their internships at Seattle Grace. You could say that I am a little attached. Izzie's dialogue on Thursday night may have been overly sentimental, but she is becoming my favorite character because her emotion is pretty raw and visible, kind of like mine. We breathe and we survive, even in the midst of death and desires that come to a dead end. We breathe and in doing so we survive. In the face of grief and dreams that slip through your fingers, it may seem overly simple, but it may also be the most important thing to remember.

Um, Hello...if anyone is still there.....

2007-01-05T12:17:00.000-08:00

I know. I stink, but my computer bit the dust, and how's a girl to blog? Anyways, I miss you all. The infrequent internet access makes me feel so disconnected from so many folks. So much has been going on, I don't even know where to begin. Well, maybe with the biggest and best bit of news.... I GOT A JOB! I'm working for a ministry in South Dallas. We do day camps and after school programs for kids in inner city neighborhoods, and we bring in college students to work with them. It's designed to help revitalize churches in declining neighborhoods by giving them a presence among youth, and help college students with leadership and discernment. Yes, I do think it is sooo right for me, and the people I'm working with are top-notch. I start on Monday and I can't wait. I'm glad I'll be in Texas a little longer. I'm in the process of trying to find a new place to live around here. If you hear of anything, or know anyone who is looking for a roommate, let me know.

Being home in Mississippi for the holidays was the same as always, nice to see family, nice change of pace, and then good to come back to the city. I've missed Waco lately. I hope I can come down at least for a Sunday really soon. I'm about to get a new cell number and a new address, so I'll send contact update info as soon as I have it.

Last night, I had some of my friends over for the first time we'd all seen each other after the holidays. Some one asked April how she was doing, to which she replied, " It's 2007. I'm great! How else would I be?" My sentiments exactly.

More pictures

2006-12-04T17:34:00.000-08:00

Josh and Kelly, two of my favorite people in the whole world. I got to throw parties for both of them this weekend. Doesn't get much better than that for me.

Chad Bertrand highjacked my camera as if it were a tile in my coffeetable. Once a clepto always a clepto.

So good to have this guy back from California! Don't you love that outfit? He may have had some help picking it all out. ; )

The Everwood gang and the friends who have more fun over phase 10 than probably anybody in the world. Missed ya O'Shag.

Nikki, the bride's little sister and the maid of honor. I may adopt her now that Kelly is married.

The birthday boy and his amazing tripple choclate cake. It was wintery goodness. Seriously. You should go to Kroger and get one just to look at.

A deep breath... and make a wish!

A Good December

2006-12-04T16:33:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's been forever since a post. Too much has happened this past month. I'm glad November is over. I survived turning 27 and more. While driving to Waco for Kelly's wedding and bachelorette party on Thursday, I had a thought. Are you ready? Okay, December will be the month to redeem 2006. It's been a stinky year, but now it's advent, and I am choosing to believe that hope and good things are coming. The wedding was absolutely lovely, and Kelly's bachelorette party and Josh's birthday party were good for my soul. December is off to a fantastic start indeed. I'm praying it keeps on coming. Here are some pictures for you to enjoy.

Kelly's awesome cake

Probably the last girls' night for the Waco gang. So sad. We definitely missed Katie McKown and Meredith Story.

The bride and me! I will miss you so much Bainer! Or do we have to call you Bainer-Conkin now?

A good smatherings of the kids who started Truett in Fall of '03

John Young, aka Tina the llama in Truett circles, and me. He says this picture may cause people to stumble. I'm pretty sure he's talking about himself.

2006-10-30T20:03:00.000-08:00

It's the first anniversary of Kyle's death. I want to be eloquent and reflective, but more than anything I'm exhausted. Maybe that's appropriate seeing as how the most exhaustive year of my life, and many others, began a year ago today. I worked from pracitally 11-9 and so the most downtime I've had was driving to Richardson for a company meeting and listening to Coldplay. I did get to process things a little yesterday though. I led a time of rembrance last night at Journey, and that was both good and difficult for me. Anyways, I'm tired. For some reason, I'm reliving the fatigue of grief today. Being tired with grief is a very certain tired. It's holistic. Not the way I wanted to spend today, but it is reality. I'm about to enjoy a hard cider and maybe watch Kyle's film before bed. To my ubc readers- I've wanted to be with you today more than you can understand. I love you, and I'm so grateful to have you in my life.

2006-10-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

Wherever you will go - dedicated to janalee

Have you ever looked you name up on YouTube? This is my favorite video, dedicated to me. I'm still laughing. Who the heck is this kid?

Say it ain't so George!

2006-10-21T15:26:00.000-07:00

http://imdb.com/news/wenn/2006-10-20/

One of the reasons I like Grey's Anatomy so much is because of George O'Mally. I've always said that George is my McDreamy. Knowing that in real life he doesn't really like girls, makes me pretty sad. He's just such a believeable lovesick little puppy. I'm officially depressed.

And what about this rumor that Isaiah Washington called him a horrible slur and almost got into a fight with Dempsey about it? This makes me nervous and even more sad, especially after they did that nightline report on race in hollywood. It just seems like Washington would be more tolerant.

Last Sunday

2006-10-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my friend Christy randomly posted a blog about this beautiful little church she and her husband always pass on their way to A&M, and it just so happens that I got to preach at the very same St. Paul's in Marlin last weekend. It's the most picturesque place I've ever been to in Texas. I loved being there. The people were so sweet. Most were over 70 and they grew up in this church and heard sermons in German until the 50's. The whole experience was just too precious for words- the people, the liturgy, the weather, and the quaintness of it all. I've been in lots of little country churches, but I've never enjoyed worshipping in one as much as I did at St. Paul's. (Thanks to Craig for recommending me). If you ever want to experience something different on a Sunday morning, I highly recommend it. (It's about 30 minutes west of Waco on highway 6) Here are some more pics for you to enjoy.

I was told this was the "best kept cemetery in Texas". I believe it.

J-lee in the News and the News from J-lee

2006-10-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

My good friend Sam has quite a blog following, and every Friday, he's writing about a different woman he knows within the emergent conversation. This week is me and you can click the link to his blog on the left or also see it at https://fs-exchange.baylor.edu/exchweb/bin/redir.asp?URL=http://mainstreambaptists.blogspot.com/2006/10/stepping-it-up-profile-2-janalee.html

Also, you should know that I'm looking for a church to serve in. Preferably here in Texas or in the Southeast. I wasn't ready for a long time, but being with my Truett community this week made me want to be on a church staff. I can't explain it, but it just did. My friend from home called me out of the blue on the day of the funeral. He wants me to apply for a position in a church that is just a few hours away from my family, but 15 hours away from all I love in TX. I couldn't tell him no. Then I thought that I might as well get my resume to as many people as I know if this doesn't work out. So it's being passed around. I'm praying and waiting, and I feel more at peace and less restless now. I think it's time for this step.

And Grace Will Lead Us Home

2006-10-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

Today was the most life giving day I've experienced in a long time. On a lot of levels, I guess it shouldn't have been. I was in the same place last October (or I guess it was the first day of November), for the same reason. As I took my seat, I thought, if you have to grieve, there are no better communities to do that with than the two I was blessed to be a part of in Waco, TX. If we had not grieved as well and as much as we have over the loss of our leaders, I'm not sure they would seem quite as meaningful.

Dr. Foster had a way of making her students, her children, feel so special. I felt that way today when we remembered her together. In fact, I can't quite remember the last time I felt so cherished just because I was a part of something. We were loved, prayed for, and always blessed by this remarkable woman simply because we sat in her classroom. I wish I could bottle that service and those feelings and send them to you all. I wish you could hear the power and faith of Dr. Ngan's voice as she read from Isaiah, Dr. Garland translation of the Greek as he read from Dr. Foster's first Greek Bible, the earnestness of Dr. Stroope's prayer, the usual eloquence and life in Dr. Gloer's words, and the laughter from jokes about margarita's, meat lockers, and not wearing pantyhose to glory. I wish you could see the way Dr. York was overcome with emotion as he watched our Truett family sing Amazing Grace. I wish you could feel the hope and glory that was in my heart when we sang "we've no less days to sing God's praise than when we first begun." Kelly and I both cried hard. Not only because we were sad and would miss this lady who taught us to believe in ourselves, but because it all had such meaning.

I want to believe these two funerals are like bookends to a hard year, for me and a lot of other people. But life is just hard. Ruth Ann knew that. She taught me about how Martha understood that Jesus was the Resurrection and the Life. When it looked like things couldn't get any worse, there was the resurrection and in that there is immeasurable hope. Today was a beautiful and needed reminder of that. Thanks be to God.

Dallas: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2006-10-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Central Market for Organic Milk, one of the only things I'll buy there, and there was a jazz band playing on the second level. I felt like a total snob for being there, and living in such a place, but I guess I should appreciate it on some level. There is a lot to do here, and I've met a few cool folks. I love Journey. I love the State Fair of Texas. I love being relatively close to Waco. I love the skyline, but I hate the traffic and not being able to see the stars.

I hate not having a job that can support me. Right now, I'm baking cookies (seriously, that's what I'm doing) for a living and it doesn't even begin to cover the rent. I don't like being a financial burden on my family. I been thinking about moving to Memphis to teachj. It's as close as I would ever be to home, and it seems like a financially wise decision, but I'm afraid I might be miserable there- a place deeper in the Bible belt, less appreciative of women with M.Div.'s, and less likely to know what it means to be a missional community. Does it even make sense for a young woman like myself to be in such a place? Maybe not, but being dirt poor and going into more debt doesn't make sense either.

Oh well. That's what I'm praying about, what's keeping me awake at night these days.

Dr. Ruth Ann Foster

2006-09-28T15:36:00.000-07:00

The Truett Community lost one of our most beloved professors today. Ruth Ann Foster was one of the most inspiring women I have ever known, a lover of life and Kentucky basketball. She is the second founding professor we have lost to cancer since I have been there. She inspired so many students over the years, and she was one of the greatest cheerleaders for women in ministry in the whole world. She helped me see Jesus in a new and better way. Dr. Foster was a gift of grace for the first year seminary student- a motherly presence in the strange land of Waco. Not even a year ago, we hugged and cried upon the death of my pastor Kyle, another life she impacted with her teaching and love. I will miss her jokes, her hugs, and the way she could always put men in their place.

Please pray for Dr. Foster's mother, and the Truett community. This is preview weekend, and there will be a huge hole without her.

Reflections from The Kiss

2006-09-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

Many people spend the greater part of their twenties in fear of never finding love. Sometimes we romanticize relationships with blatant naivete. No one is more guilty than me. Then there are moments that make you stop and think. What if the reality of love doesn't equal up to the grandeur of our imaginations? What if actually finding love is just as scary? What happens when you find the most amazing person but the grass of "freedom" starts to look greener? Or when temptation sneaks up on you at the most unexpected of moments? Or when you absolutely fail to love the other person the way they need to be loved? I don't know, but thinking about it scares the pee out of me.

Those are the things The Last Kiss made me think about, but it also made me appreciate the humility and the grace of the struggle to forgive and fight for what matters the most. I've waited so long for this movie with such great anticipation that I was afraid I'd be disappointed, but I wasn't. It actually exceeded my expectations. I hope the same is true for us all with love.

Peace Out

2006-09-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

So, I'm going to the motherland for a week or so. Usually I'm not that excited about Mississippi, but I am this time. The trip will be a change of pace from sitting alone in my apartment looking for jobs on the net all day. Please pray that something works out soon. I'm getting really frustrated.

I guess that also means I'll have to wait to see The Last Kiss and Jesus Camp until I get back. Hit the cell if you wanna talk while I'm at home. Internet is fearfully scarce in the Magnolia State.

Photo News

2006-09-07T20:17:00.000-07:00

This week I saw....

again with my friend

who is a real film maker. He liked it a lot, so I know I was right about it being so good. Chris also told me he worked on

and he got to meet.... drum roll

who is the adult lead in the film. That's right. Apparently he is just as nice in person as he was in Stuckeyville. (Sorry if you hate me for telling this story Chris. There are just too many Ed fans who read my blog.) I think I screamed in the middle of the restaurant when he told me. I'm so jealous!

Up next....photo television confessions.

2006-09-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

So, my friend Vernon posted this interesting tag game on his blog. I appreciate it because I do indeed love books, and now I have time and lesiure to read whatever book I choose. I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on important books in their lives.

One Book

...... that changed my life: A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren. No suprise here whatsoever. This is probably the generic answer for most of my commrades, but I simply must say it. If I had never read that book, I would not have become such good friends with Lynnette Ogle Davidson, I would have attended Truett Seminary, and I would not have been a part of a community called UBC or another one called Journey. I don't think I would know or understand the joy of following Jesus in community. In short, I would be a completely different person, and I can't say that about any other book.

.... that you'd want on a desert island: I'm not sure I have a great answer for that one. Maybe my Lord of the Rings triology book. It's long enough, and I can't think of a more epic story.

.... that made you laugh: Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott. She is so funny, and I don't agree with her on all points of theology, but it's good for me to see things through her eyes every now and then.

.... that made you cry: A Ring of Endless Light by Madeline L'Engle. I read it in the sixth grade, and I don't think I've ever had such a powerful emotional reaction to a book. I remember it vividly. I read the last chapters of the book sitting by my pool, and I had what I remember feeling was this very real connection to Vicki Austin (the main character). At the end of the book, everything starts to fall apart, and I remember feeling exactly what I thought Vicki was feeling. L'Engle made me love reading at a young age, and I am indebted to her for that. I love that my favorite childhood author has so much to offer me as an adult.

.... that you wish had been written: mmm, anything else by Kyle Lake or Stan Grenz. I'm not sure how I could narrow that down to one book.

.... that you wish was never written: I'm going to have to go with Vernon and say Left Behind. Bad, bad theology that took Christian marketing to another level and made the end times the main thing in so many Christian circles that we forget to do important things like feed the poor.

.... that I wish I'd written: Again, I'm going to state the obvious and say Harry Potter. I wish I could write stories for children the way J.K. Rowling does. It would also be nice to have the cash.

..... that you are currently reading: Peace like a River by Leif Einger. A beautifully written and charming story thus far. I really don't want it to end.

.... that you want to read: I'll just give you my list: Dance of the Dissident Daughter, Body Piercing Saved my Life, The Power and the Glory, Gilead, and How not to Speak of God. (It's the new buzz book in the "emergent"crowd. I hear that it is great.)

Okay, I'm supposed to tag people, but I always feel weird doing that. So I'm not going to officially tag anyone, but I would especially love to hear about the important books for the following people: Josh Carney, Adam Horton, Lynnette and Sam Davidson, Craig Nash, and Luke Miller. I'm also really open to reading suggestions right now, but I don't want to read anything too depressing or heavy right now.

A Phone Call for the History Books

2006-09-01T12:58:00.002-07:00

Josh Brewer just called me from HIS CELL PHONE. I almost passed out.

Some flicks I'm looking forward to......

2006-08-30T12:50:00.000-07:00

So, this movie is coming to the Magnolia on September 15. I just discovered it on Crowder's xanga, and I've spent some time reading up on it this morning. In some ways, it's like the junior real-life version of the movie Saved! Here's a link to an interesting article with the filmmakers. http://www.lokifilms.com/site/JCpress/press_3.html Apparently at this camp, they bring in George W. Bush stand up figures to teach kids that Christians vote Republican and models of fetuses to introduce kids to the pro-life agenda. This is a must see, at least for me. It sounds like a nightmare, but I want to hold my opinions until the film debuts.

Also debuting on September 15........

Mr. Braff was on Letterman last night, and he was witty, charming, and adorable in that completely sexy and authentic way that no one else can do quite as well. I'm continually impressed by Zach Braff. If the down to earth people of our generation got together to elect a posterboy, he would win hands down. Guys think he is hilarious and brilliant, and girls just want to stay in bed and listen to music with him all day. At least, Lindsay and I do. I just don't get the whole Mandy Moore thing. You want him to be with someone who feels more like one of us, and she doesn't seem to fit the bill. Maybe he had the same feeling, and that's why they aren't together anymore. Who knows?

The soundtrack is amazing. Almost as good as Garden State, and one day I may even like it more. I haven't bought it yet because I've been taking Braff's musical advice for so long (or maybe that was really Josh Brewer's) that I have most of those songs on other cd's, but I'd definitely going to get it whenever I have cash for such things. If you want to preview it you can check out http://www.lastkissmovie.com/ or myspace, of course.

According to an August 14, post on Zach's myspace page, he's doing a promotional tour next week, and Dallas is one of the stops. I'm googling everyday to try to figure out where he'll be. I cannot think of a better way for a single, beautiful, and unemployed 26 year old female to spend her time rather than stalking the likes of Zach Braff. (other than trying to find gainful employment, obviously) And I don't mean stalk in a weird way. He's one of those celebrities that you really want to meet and have a personal memory with because his art and his stories speak to you on such a personal level.

Two weeks from Friday! I can hardly wait. Raise your hand if you are in for a double feature.

Venting

2006-08-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

As of August 11, I have two degrees from two really good schools. I made very good grades at each one. I go to interviews and people recognize this. They also compliment me on what a great personality I have. I leave feeling like they are absolutely in love with me, and a part of me knows that they are.

Three weeks out from graduation, and all I've gotten is rejection. I'm sorry. I'm not generally a negative person, but I need to scream and bitch for a bit. You can stop reading now if you feel like it. I completely understand, and I know you and and the other 95% of the world have much bigger problems on your hands.

Here's the thing. I've finally come to the point in my life that I really believe in myself. I still can't fully explain, but somehow it sort of magically happened over the course of the summer. Maybe it's because I've been on a few dates. Maybe it's because people at Journey continually pointed out the fact that I have pastoral gifts and they gave me the opportunity to really use them. Maybe it's because I'm living on my own and doing my best to fend for myself all the while realizing that I'm truly an adult now. Regardless, from where I presently sit, I feel as if I have a lot to offer the world. I've always had this wide-eyed optimism that I could spend my life loving people and talking about Jesus, and somehow or another, I'd be paid for it. Not an exorbitent amount. I definitely never expected to be rich. In fact, I've pretty much envisioned myself scraping by but being perfectly happy because I was doing what I loved to do.

That dream is still very real to me, but it's not as peachy these days. I want to love people and talk about Jesus more than ever, but I'm not sure I'll ever be paid for that. In fact, I've really begun to question whether or not we should be paying people for ministry. This is mainly thanks to Shane Claiborne who constantly reminds me that the New Testament church used its offering to help the poor rather than pay salaries. Paul was bi-vocational, and he wouldn't except compensation for his ministry. Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting we suddenly send all of our pastors to the unemployment line, but it's just something I'm questioning in light of some of the things I'm learning. It's not as easy as I'm making it sound. I understand that, but the idea is some consulation to me in light of the fact there are no churches beating down my door and offering me a sweet benefits package.

The problem is, no one seems to want to offer me any kind of sustainable paycheck these days. I'm sending out resumes right and left, and the non-profits both said thanks but no. I'm not sure that I can live on what I'd make selling coffee or books. Sitting behind a desk all day staring at papers is about the most depressing thing I can possibly think of doing. I just to make a difference in the world and be able to pay my bills. Is that so hard?

Pray for me. Doesn't it usually take people months to find a job after they graduate?

Tomorrow, I promise to write something happier. Bitchin' really isn't me.

2006-08-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

I hope that Little Miss Sunshine comes to a theater near you. I laughed until I cried. I wish I could afford to go see it everyday. Wacoans, it is definitely worth the road trip to the Big D. (besides, I need to see you!) It's been one of the bright spots of the most boring two weeks ever. No job, no more dates, and I've come down with something. It stinks, but the movie is great.

Hello Again

2006-08-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I haven't been in a blogging mood lately. It's been ages since I've ranted about anything, and even a few weeks since I gave you an update. So here are some of the main events from the past few weeks. They sure do span the emotional gamut.

1. We finished up Plan B in women's group. Here's a picture of the celebratory cake. How fun is that? Up next....Peace like a River. We begin next week. Thanks to Craig for the suggestion.

2. I went back to UBC a few Sundays ago for the baptism that should have happened in October. It was emotional to say the least. Jen and Kyle's dad baptized Karen. Tears, community, sadness, beauty, and joy came full circle that day. I think it was very healing for us all.

3. On August 6, I preached at Journey. It was my last official week as intern and mentee. Several folks from Waco came up for it, and that was really sweet of them. It was great to have my two worlds collide. Journey gave me an incredible gift. I told them that my three years in Waco helped me to believe in church but my past three months in Dallas with them taught me to believe in myself. Maybe I'll blog more about that later, but don't hold your breath. Like I said my blogging energies are way down these days.

4. I FINISHED SCHOOL FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's so weird not buying school supplies and gearing back up for a new year. It's a good feeling, but a little scary and unfamiliar.

5. This week, I have two second interviews with non-profits here in Dallas. I'm confident that something is about to work out. I'll be sure to keep you posted.

Just Enough for the City

2006-07-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

I really want to write tonight, but I just don't have much to say. I guess I could tell you about some random things going on.

I applied for an event planning job with a non-profit here in Dallas this week. I really hope it works out.

My friend Misty took me to a great Latin restaurant last night, and they have the most amazing cakes you've ever had. If anyone wants to come to Dallas, I'll take you there, but it's really posh and romantic, so just be warned.

Last week, I went to a worship service where we started off with an African welcoming song, and then a jazz band played "Living for the City" by Stevie Wonder. It was one of the coolest things ever.

My friend Craig Nash has had not one but TWO articles published on Relevant in the past week. He is a rockstar of a writer. We have always known this and now the rest of the world gets to experience it.

I've had lots of visits from my Waco peeps over the last week. It was extremely fun. If you haven't been to Dallas to see me yet, shame on you! Get here as fast as you can because this place is fun and I am a fabulous hostess.

I got my haircut at an Aveda salon in Mockingbird Station right across from Urban Outfitters. It was my treat for the month. I love it, and my new stylist is incredibly hip! Her name is Sybel. How fabulous is that?

Good things are happening at Journey. My mentoring is over in about a week and a half. It's kind of sad, but I'm going to hang around. You guys and gals are too fun to leave! (And there nobody in Waco has found me a job or a man there yet, so it indeed looks like I am staying put.) We are starting a series on Radical Contentment and generosity. I'm preaching on generosity next week. It should be fun. Living more simply seems to be a big part of where I feel God leading now. I'm really interested to see what's going to happen.

That's all for now. Peace out. Let it flow.

Homecoming

2006-07-17T19:14:00.000-07:00

It was familiar, but eerily new and different. I took a big breath before I walked through the new shabby chic doors. When Brian Patterson opened one for me, I saw the bustle of community those walls have undoubtedly missed. We haven’t missed it that way because for us, this exile just drew us deeper and closer.

I hugged more people than I can count, and I heard laughter and lots of ‘I’m so glad you’re here’s’, but still I remembered the sounds and the embraces of the last time we were together in that space. I don’t always like to think about them, but they definitely exist in my memory. Honestly, there was something a bit frightening about it, but if I learned anything over the past few months, it’s that there’s no one better to face fear with than this group of people.

As for the service, it was as familiar and beautiful as the renovated the building, which is best described by my friend Adam Horton in the words fresh and nostalgic. The first song the band sang was “Everything Glorious”. A perfect choice. You have to love worship songs that make you ask a deep and probing theological questions. This one is textbook. It makes me examine the relationships and events of my life and ask “Where is the glory in this?” Sometimes, it’s so hard to see. Honestly, I have a hard time seeing it in the horrific moments of the last time we were there, all together. Yeah, I know the whole bit about being absent from the body means being present with the Lord. I see how it may have been glorious for Kyle but not for us. I don’t know what’s so glorious about the tragedy, loss, fear, and pain of what happened in that damned instant, BUT there is so much glory in the comfort, community, and grief of the following months that I can hardly bear it.

Yeah, I see the glory of God in grief. Not always, of course. On most days, it’s so terrible that I can’t find suitable words to adequately describe it, yet ultimately it says something powerful and even exquisite. To me, grief is one of the most profound ways we know there is true love in this world. I don’t want to see more of it any time soon, but it has revolutionized the way I give and receive love. Maybe it has for us all. That is glorious.